The Roll

Here is the question of the day…why is it that no one, except me, knows the proper function of the “toilet paper holder”? All of my family members simply use it as a shelf to hold the roll. NONE of them have figured out how to release the spring and actually place the roll in the holder.

Toilet paper holders are an important facet of European bathroom design. The earliest known toilet paper holders are thought to be those found in the tomb of Tutankhamun.

Why would they put one in his tomb? You can’t except a man alive to change the roll never mind a dead one!

Now I don’t know who Tutankhamum was, nor do I care, but I really think the Europeans had a fabulous idea making wiping a one handed practice. I do believe the Europeans also invented wine, cheese and bread - include the toilet paper holder, and I am sure we can all agree they are truly a brilliant and superior race.

Leave it to the male race and the youth of America to totally screw up a good thing. Have you ever sat down, done your business, grabbed for the role, thinking it was properly attached to the holder, only to knock it off and have it roll across the bathroom floor. Leaving you with two choices; get a new one out from under the sink, or get up to retrieve it knowing you are going to drip along the way. Then you realize you have no idea when the last time you (because no one else would have) washed the bathroom floor. Better opt for a new roll, GOD knows what it has collected on it’s way to the furthest possible corner away from you where it has landed. Large dust bunnies and whatever else may be on the floor are not the ingredients for good hygiene.

Totally frustrated I call a family meeting…in our bathroom. “Look it people, this is basic math. When one roll is finished you take a new one out and place it on this ever so clever “holder”. The Europeans spent many painstakingly years to develop it, the least we can do is make an effort to honor it. For Pete’s sake the cat could manage this, why can’t the rest of you?”

From the back of the crowd I hear, “Mom, can you give me a ride to the mall?”

At one point in his life Mr. Tutankhamun must have said, “Over my dead body will I change the roll!”

And Mrs. Tutankhamun thought…be careful what you wish for.

Maybe now he will change the roll instead of having to chase it around in his tomb.