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(Blame my parents for no precap
tonight – they come around about twice a year, and
rudely ate up my day right up to showtime ... but
then, I know you understand, I mean, I do have
to stay in the will...)
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Dressed in his dark suit and tie
– all the better to match prerecorded segments with,
my dear – Ryan walked in front of the assembled
contestants, with the ominous words, "Your votes
are in. Who is out? T.I.A.I"
As I watched the camera pan, it
really crystallized that this is the first week, at
least for me, that it is truly hard to call the bottom
three. They ARE all talented. Sure, some more so than
others. Some can sell a lyric better than the next. A
few have certainly separated themselves from the herd
and could go forth and multiply their wealth and fame
right now – no title needed.
But all in all – there really is
no Sanjaya, Covais, or Savol in the bunch.
This is the point where we simply
have to look at Wednesday nights as a ripping off of the
band-aid. Do it quickly, get it over with. And if you
are truly enamored with one of these kids, apathy will
no longer work. Voting is required.
This week, after MYchael’s still
stunning ouster, people seemed to start making that
connection. With almost 36 million votes being called
and texted in, it’s no longer enough to sit at home
and say, "I like him/her. He/she should win."
It’s time to burn out some
buttons on the cell phones.
A quick hello to the judges
tonight revealed Randy not only beaded, but Bedazzled.
My God he was a veritable disco ball; Paula was fresh
off her winning trot at the Kensucky Derby – she was
still wearing the wreath of flowers around her neck, her
bridle dazzling with flowing crystal beads; Simon was
again forecasting the emotional weather of the evening
– somber and gray.
Ryan quickly moved us into
tonight’s GROUP SONG, One
Fine Day (which would set the theme for all
extra songs tonight – death, goodbyes, and the hope of
being reunited in the end).
Dreads opened the number in his
soft, emotional, lopsided mouth way; Kristy Lee picked
up and did her signature move – no, not
rides-invisible-horse – but being unable to hit a big
note without looking like she’s either doing calculus
in her head or popping a loaf.
The rest of the gang joined in on
the chorus, and again, I have to say – there has been
no love lost between me and the GROUP SONG
for years, but this batch of kids really manage to pull
them off. Sure, the choreography level is what you would
expect from a Kindergarten holiday show, but at least
they sound good together. I didn’t even think about
fast forwarding for once.
Nice job.
After the first refueling of AI
One, Ryan directed everyone to AmericanIdol.com
– there is one week left to vote on the finalists in
the Song Competition. Surely someone, somewhere
has come up with something not
drenched in saccharine, Equal, and Splenda this time?
A quick video rewind of last
night’s performances reinforced everything I initially
felt – I was still underwhelmed by Brooke,
thought Syesha did an admirable job, and I loved David
C’s moment when he was finally overwhelmed by
everything and teared up.
Oh, and many of you mentioned this
in the comments, and I completely agree – Mariah
Carey’s mentoring was as far from DIVA-ish as you
could get. She was sweet, kind, helpful, sincere, and
made sense. Nice to see she has completely made it
through the Wackadoo Tunnel and once again has life and
her talent in full control.
It was then time to start the
Hokey Pokey portion of tonight’s show – the results.
Out first, Dreads – who was asked to start a group to
Ryan’s left. He did shake it all about a little – I
think that was his nerves though.
Next out was David C. Ryan tried
to get him to talk about why he was so emotional last
night, and David gave a very nondetailed, general
response. Personally, I have been completely impressed
with his refusal to sell out his brother’s illness. He
is more than aware that all the tabloids have been
spreading it about, but he adamantly refuses to exploit
it. He does not want pity votes, and quite frankly,
doesn’t need them. The boy has class.
Ryan asked him to start a group to
his right.
Carly, looking like an extra in an
episode of The Office – black pencil skirt, demure
white blouse (albeit sleeveless – the Mystery Lady of
The Bicep has to breathe, too, you know) – was out on
stage next, and informed Simon, "I think you’ve
been a bit hard on me."
His reply? A pithy, "I expect
more from you."
She was asked to sashay over to
Jason’s side of the stage.
Kristy Lee trotted out in JEANS
and a white cami, her skin more Glittery than a bad
Mariah Carey movie, and got her slam in with,
"Simon can be a butt sometimes." Yes, Kristy,
and you have proven to be a smartass. Go stand with
David C.
Another break and we arrived back
at the VOMMERCIAL. This week the kids
honed their stellar acting skills as robotic puppets (puppotics?)
in an office setting. Their limbs attached to giant
black cords controlling their tedious, boring movements.
Well, until one of them grabbed
some scissors and cut them all free – each slice of
the Fiskars bringing color, movement, and meaning to the
song I Want To Break Free.
Damn. Ford cars must be magical. I
bet David Blaine is jealous.
Ryan then welcomed back to the
Idol stage, season five favorite Elliott Yamin, to sing
his new song, Free.
Now, Elliott is still working the
GEICO caveman look – a tad scruffy for my taste –
but he certainly has come miles in terms of being a
polished performer. He looked at ease, in the moment,
and you could tell he felt the emotion of lines like
"It’s difficult to hold on, so easy to let
go", especially in light of his mother’s recent
passing.
He still suffers from KLCeye-tis,
however. That’s the inability to sing with them open.
He ended the song with what I now
assume is the new portable posterboard – a message
scrawled in Sharpie on his palm. His read, We miss you
Mom.
Very sweet. I do believe David C
started a trend. When mere spoken words won’t
do, slap the message on your palm.
Mine would probably be a general,
all purpose one – like WTF?!?! – I
could flash it at the numerous stupid people who cross
my path each day. Like the foul smelling gent in Walmart
who rubbed up against me as I reached for a carton of
eggs this morning.
Time for more results...
The kids were back on stage in
their two groups, flanking Ryan, and he called Syesha to
the stage – she was asked to stand with Dreads and
Carly.
Out next was Brooke to join
"The Cooks" – David and Kristy. That left
little Puppy all alone to piddle in nervousness
backstage.
Too bad, when we returned from
another break, they were ALL on the couches for
everyone’s favorite time wasting segment (can I get an
extra serving of sarcasm on the side, please?): The FAN
PHONE CALLS!
Insert sound of crickets listening
for the sound of whatever insects they hear when
something is dead boring...
First call was from Jillian in
Maine wanting to ask the judges what their first record
purchases were – after all, April 19 is
National Record Store Day. (Insert shot of Linda’s
open palm...) Who thought this up? Record stores
are quickly going the way of the 8 Track. Is this some
lame attempt to remind us of our humble vinyl roots?
Randy responded with Led Zeppelin,
The Beatles, and James Brown; Paula said The Jackson
Five, Earth, Wind & Fire, and Carole King; and Simon
got in the better slam of the night, "I was ten
years old, and it was Paula Abdul’s Straight
Up."
Someone tape that Simon For
President sign back together!
Next was Megan, 15, of New Jersey,
who excitedly informed Paula that she was the
"Megan from your show." Cut to Paula’s face
and Paula having no idea who Megan is. Or maybe Paula
doesn’t remember she did a show. God knows we’re all
trying to forget. (For the record, I believe it was that
child in the QVC shop who pretty much wet her pants when
Paula hugged her.).
Anyway, Megan wanted to know which
one of Paula’s songs best describes her relationship
with Simon. Paula answered, "Cold Hearted
Snake, Opposites Attract ..." and then
informed Simon, "I’ll never be Forever
Your Girl."
Denise, 50, quizzed Simon about
his various "adjectives" for describing
performances – amusement park, karaoke, piano bar,
hamburger...
Um, duh, Denise. To quote Simon,
"In a nutshell, all of these are horrible."
Mallory, 21, of Alabama asked
David C if he is single, to which he emphatically
replied, "YES." I do believe a few million
ladies out here would volunteer to help you with that
problem, David.
Ryan then intro’d last night’s
mentor, tonight’s guest star, Mariah Carey, singing Bye,
Bye (an ode to a lost loved one) from her new
album, E=MC˛. She walked out, and I must say, WOW.
She looked gorgeous in that skin tight, short, black
dress. Girlfriend has been working out in advance of her
new CD dropping and it shows. Her legs were amazing.
As far as performing? Effortless,
as usual. And on that tightly crafted, million notes
song? She glided through with ease.
If I have to be critical about
anything, it would be the dangerous camera angles which
threatened to reveal what she had for lunch today. The
dress was SHORT, and the camera was LOW.
When she finished, Ryan asked her
to judge Randy’s performance through the years of
Idol, and she quoted a line from a new song, "I
love me some him." Yes, well, I do believe he loves
him some her even more. I think he owes more of
his personal career advancement your direction
than you do to him.
Her final words of advice for the
kids were, "Do YOU, and do a great job."
OK, not exactly Ghandi, but she
meant well.
Another break and the groups were
reclumped on the stage. Puppy was asked to come, and he
told Ryan he has "Never been happier in my
life." He’s a sweet kid and you know he means it,
but it’s getting a little sticky. My TV screen
practically oozes Mrs. Butterworth when he is on.
No big surprise that David was
told he was SAFE.
Ryan then decided he had "too
many Cooks in the kitchen" and asked David C to
swap sides with Syesha. Ooooo, you sneaky devil.
Of course it was now time for Ryan
to pull the predictable-done-each-season-tasteless stunt
of telling David to go stand with the group HE thought
was SAFE.
Puppy must be an Idol watcher.
Like others before him (most recently Melinda Doolittle),
he plopped down at center stage and refused to dis his
friends.
Puppy was so intent on his
"Sit, stay" that he completely missed Ryan
pretty much telling him which group was SAFE – David
C, Carly, and Dreads - and Carly beckoning in a
"Come here, my pretty" witchy way.
That meant a Bottom Three of
Kristy, Syesha, and Brooke. Two out of three for me in
terms of predictions, but like I said, it is only going
to get more unpredictable from here.
One more break and Ryan, always
running short on time, quickly sent a very happy Syesha
back to the couches and safety.
Randy said "I can’t call
this one."; Paula offered, "someone has to go
– it’s tough"; and Simon bluntly said,
"Maybe, Kristy, your time is up."
And as he is more often than not,
Simon was right.
Kristy Lee Cook, who has
courageously clung to this bucking bronc of a TV show,
was finally thrown off. Although, I do think Brooke
acted more injured than KLC. I don’t know that Brooke
could actually survive the rigors of the industry –
her immediate fallback position in the face of criticism
or disappointment seems to be tears and pouting.
They rolled Kristy’s journey
tape, and I have to give her credit. More than any
contestant before her, she truly seemed to take in the
comments each week and attempt to better herself – her
clothes, her phrasing, her delivery, everything.
Nashville seems over run with young blonds these days
– Carrie, Kellie, Taylor – but if there’s room for
another, Kristy just might find herself climbing back on
the performance stallion and galloping to greater fame.
Hell, if Nashville is willing to
welcome Bucky Covington? She’s a shoo-in.
Finally, I have to give her props
– as she sat on the judges' desk and began reprising Forever,
she sang right to Simon and even switched up the lyrics:
Those days of love are gone
Our time is through
Still I burn on and on
All of my life only for a good
comment from you...
Go Kristy. You just made a fan out
of me. I’m only sorry it’s too late to matter.
Andrew Lloyd Webber next week! Who
do you predict will be the Angel of Music,
and who will disappear like The Phantom of the
Opera?
See you then...
Check in with Linda daily
at her online blog,
Don't Get Me Started, to see what has gotten under her skin, rubbed
her the wrong way, or was just way too stupid or funny to ignore in this world of
ours.
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